Good Economics 101

(NOT to be confused with Epis0de 101, which was last week's Epis0de)

Last week I was having a conversation with the homies about the cost of living these days, specifically the cost of raising and adequately maintaining a family. These are noble and responsible men, my homies. Some husbands, some fathers, all decent fellas. You know, give or take a vice or two. Anyway, while we were talking about the challenges of providing for family, someone remarked that it would be a much easier life if being a deadbeat parent and/or partner were a viable option. There’s a certain morbid efficiency to being an unreliable asshole. The expectations are low and the obligations are negotiable. And when you consistently refuse to do what you're supposed to do, people eventually stop asking and just plan their lives around you like they would if their usual route to work was cordoned off for repairs. The Bible may call you “worse than an infidel” for not providing for your own, but at least life is less stressful, especially when you have little or no conscience.

Later, this particular train of thought led me to a question. How much does it cost to be a good person anyway? I’d say it depends on who you ask. Since I’ve already mentioned the Bible, take Jesus, for instance. It cost him a painful death and three days of mummy cosplay. Not exactly an entry-level commitment, but fortunately, most people will never have to go that far. For the average person, doing good is considerably more affordable, and definitely easier, yet still not free. In fact, it’s a series of varying sizes of financial, emotional and logistical inconveniences. If you give money or time, you lose money or time. If you forgive someone their trespasses, it gives them the opportunity to trespass again. If you let a car merge in front of you into your lane, they end up being the last car to pass before the traffic lights turn red, leaving you stuck. These are the issues.

As a Nigerian you need to be more aware of the economics of being good than the average person, because a lot of the time it can be like swimming in the ocean with a bleeding wound. Nigerians can sense when you’re a decent person, and most of the time their immediate reaction is to use you to their own advantage somehow. And even if their intentions are good and they really just need help, you still can’t help everyone. It’s just not possible, and trying to do so is exactly how you develop a reputation for being useful, which is one of the more expensive reputations one can have. So sometimes, as uncomfortable as it may be to refuse that relative with the suspiciously-timed problem that just happens to appear after you’ve been paid your salary, you have to bite the bullet and do it anyway. If you’ve ever had that experience, you know how stressful it is. Also, this is probably not an exclusively Nigerian thing, but allow.

So really, how much does it cost to be a good person? Probably more than what it costs to be bad if you don’t care about the state of your eternal soul and whatnot. I think it’s because good people voluntarily choose to be good every day, or at least as often as they can. So they send the money for that urgent emergency and do the pick-ups and drop-offs at the airport, and take on all the other miscellaneous inconveniences. The cost is in the choice. But being good doesn’t mean making yourself readily available for exploitation. Especially not intentionally, because martyrdom is just a wholly terrible experience. Again, remember Jesus. You’re allowed to have limits and decide that a particular good deed is outside your budget. I really hate when I start writing an Epis0de with the express intention of chatting shit, only to come up with a moral lesson at the end. If this becomes my brand I will be furious.